


Millitat omnis amans

by frankforkaren



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Fluff and Angst, One Shot, Tumblr Prompt, kastle christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-07 12:29:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8800876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankforkaren/pseuds/frankforkaren
Summary: Gift exchange for the KastleChristmas to dresupi :) Hope you like it.Also I wanted to say that there are very few Christmas vibes in this fic because I am a mess, and I started to writing it and i realised almost at the middle of the fic that i had to relate it with Christmas... so... that's why =S Sorry if this is not what you were expecting =/





	

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  _Militat omnis amans, et habet sua castra Cupido;_   
>  _Attice, crede mihi, militat omnis amans._   
>  _Quae bello est habilis, Veneri quoque convenit aetas._
> 
> Every lover serves as a soldier, also Cupid has his own camp;  
> Believe me, Atticus, every lover serves as a soldier.  
> The age which is apt for war, is also suitable for Love.
> 
> – Amores by Ovid

“Karen” 

“Karen”

“Karen”

A voice sounded in the distance, but she couldn’t hear anything until the moment she heard the last “Karen”. Karen was catatonic. Her eyes fixed at one point, hands grabbing her .380. Now she was able to hear Frank calling her but she couldn’t move yet, her brain was thinking very fast. Guilt. 

“Karen” said Frank again as he approached closer to her. He hesitated. He was deciding whether or not he could touch her. He finally did.  

“Karen”

In that moment she turned in order to face him, her eyes were tearful, she was breathing fast. She blinked twice, until he made her come back. She downed her arms and her tense body relaxed. Frank put his hands on her face holding their eye contact, to make her focus on him.

“Hey…It’s okay” he said softly, while he kept looking at her. “Look at me. Look at me” and she focused on his eyes, her sharp blue eyes now staring his gentle black eyes. “It’s okay.” he said again, and then she started crying.

He took the gun out of her hands, turned the safety mode on, and put it in his pants back pocket. He held her. He could feel her shaking under his arms. She was so fragile in that moment. She could barely keep standing. He could feel her tears falling down his neck and could feel how her tears cooled in his skin.

When he heard the police sirens they started moving. He took her home. They walked slowly on the empty streets. It was so cold you could see their breath. The path was a bit long, but that helped Karen to calm down, although she couldn’t help but shake. When they arrived at her apartment she went to the bathroom to freshen up a little bit. But, when she looked at her in the mirror, she realized that she had a bit of blood on her face and hair. Her beige blouse was also blood stained. _What am I becoming? What’s wrong with me? This is not me, but what if this is the real me?_ Karen thought. _No, it’s impossible. S_ he tried to put away her thoughts. _This can’t be me. But what if…_ Then she started crying again. Frank heard her from the living room. He approached to the bathroom door.

“Karen” he said, worried.

“Go away, Frank... Leave me alone” she yelled at him. “Leave me alone” she said again in tears.

He didn’t reply. But Frank couldn’t leave her alone in that way. He stood waiting for her to leave the bathroom. After some minutes he heard the sound of water running in the bathtub. Frank sat on the floor leaning against the bathroom door. He stayed there for almost thirty minutes listening Karen crying. Now he could feel that she had calmed down, and heard her coming out of the tub. Then he got up and went to the kitchen to sit in one of the stools which were next to the kitchen bar. Frank was giving her some space. He knew that in that moment she needed that. When she left the bathroom wrapped in a towel, she realized that Frank was still there but she said nothing and went to her bedroom. Frank kept waiting several minutes until he decided to knock on the bedroom door.

“Come in” said Karen.

Frank opened the door, but he didn’t enter the room. She was already in bed. He could barely see her. She was curled up on one side of the bed without moving.

“I have to go…” he hesitated “if you need something before I go...” he said, calmly.

He wanted to help her, he knew that she needed her own time.  He was probably the last person she wanted by her side in that moment. But he didn’t want to leave her alone. 

She didn’t answer. Frank was about to close the door.

“Stay” she asked decisively. He stopped and stood there holding the door knob.

“Please” she said this time.

“Okay..." he had no idea what to say, it was unexpected. "I will be resting on the couch, if you need anything else…”

“Stay here, by my side.” Karen asked again.

He held the doorknob for a few more minutes feeling like a fool. He wanted to do it but he didn’t know if that was the best decision. It was a big step for him, for them. They have had several meetings before that. She even helped him with some information. That’s how they’ve started to see each other… In some picturesque places to give him information. Sometimes he also helped her with her articles. The last case that Karen has been writing was about a man who had been assaulting young women, and they went missing. That’s why Karen was at that time on streets. It was very late and she was waiting for Frank, they had met to give him information, but he was late. And while Karen was waiting for him, that man appeared. It was him. She could recognize him. It was the man of her article. She acted fast, she took her gun off her pocket and aimed straight at him. He didn’t take her seriously and laughed while he approached closer to her. Karen had not thought for a minute, she just pulled the trigger several times. And the last thing that she remembers was Frank calling her.

Frank took a step forward. He wasn’t sure if that would be the best for them. Even though, he thought that it would be the best now. She needed him, and he couldn’t refuse her. Karen was covered with a blanket, she didn’t move, it was like she was waiting for him, like she knew that he would do whatever she asked. But she wasn’t sure at all, she had to try. Then, Karen felt how the bed moved because of his weight. Karen could feel his doubt. He didn’t move since he was sitting on the bed, but then the bed moved a bit more and she felt him right behind her. He was on top of the sheets lying his face upwards. Frank was so worried because of his behavior that he didn’t notice that Karen was still shaking. _What could I do?_ He asked himself. He felt so clumsy, he forgot how relationships worked.

“You okay?” he knew that was a stupid question, but, hell, what more he could ask?

“Hold me” she said. In that moment Frank stopped all his thoughts, and he just did it, he approached her and held her feeling Karen’s whole body in his arms. It was probably the best feeling he had had since… since everything happened.

Karen began to feel his warmth, she stopped shaking and crying, she felt safe. Karen fell asleep in his arms. That night Karen slept until sunrise.

The next morning, when Karen woke up, Frank wasn’t in her bed. She was disappointed. But when she left her bedroom she started to smell coffee, and saw him sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee, eyebrows raised looking at her, waiting for her to say something.

“Morning” she said smiling.

“Good morning. There is fresh coffee” he said.

“I can smell it” she answered going to the kitchen. While she was pouring herself a cup of coffee, he got up and said:

“Well, I have to go. Micro must be wondering where the hell I am.”

“You two seem like a couple.” she said smiling.

“More or less” he laughed while he took all his stuff and walked towards the door. When Karen was in front of him, he could see her eyes apologizing. He didn’t need words to know what she had been thinking. He knew that she was sorry for the way she spoke last night. Her eyes were also saying “Thank you”. No words. They never needed words, their silence was comfortable, and a look was enough. Frank in that moment had an impulse that some hours later would make him wonder why he did that, but he felt the urge to do it. He put his hand on her cheek, Karen closed her eyes to his touch, she felt his rough and warm hand. She opened her eyes, her big blue eyes full of tears.  Frank couldn't help but stare at her lips. She noticed that her heart started racing. Slowly he slipped his finger through her lips as he reached out to remove a piece of hair out of her face. Then he just said:

“You did what you had to do” and turned away closing the door behind him.

It felt like a kiss. It was his way to show affection, to show her that he was there for her. He would always be there for her. No words needed.

Karen remained still in front of the door for some seconds or maybe minutes. She was standing there like Clitic waited for Apollo while she became a flower nailed to the ground.

*

It had been a week since Frank left her apartment. It was Christmas, Karen decided to spend it alone at home, she didn’t decorate her house, she only put a little ornament: A small wreath hanging on the door. She was about to going to sleep, or trying to when she heard someone knocking at the door. When she opened the door she definitely didn’t expect him. She was wearing a pajama shorts, very short and a t-shirt which was very old. No underwear. He stood there waiting for an invitation. Karen just walked away making a gesture to invite Frank to come in.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I just wanted to check on you. See how _you_ are doing…” He looked her up and down “Aren’t you cold?” he continued.

Karen realized that he spotted her pajamas.

“Oh. Well, this is because the boiler is broken in the whole building and it’s very hot in here.” she paused “and I also didn’t expect any visitors so…” she tried to explain herself.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about me” 

She laughed, it was a nervous laughter. She couldn’t forget their last meeting, she still could feel his warm hand on her cheek, his fingers on her lips and neck. She should stop thinking about that; it was hot enough in there.

“Want to drink something? Maybe coffee?” Karen asked. “I can make some”

“Coffee is fine” he said while he sat on the couch. She went to the kitchen.

Karen couldn’t find where she had put the coffee. She started to look everywhere. Suddenly she remembered that she left the coffee in one of the upper kitchen cabinets. When she opened the cabinet she could see that the coffee was there but she couldn’t reach the pot, she had to stand on her tiptoes to reach the shelf. Frank, still on the couch, started looking at her legs and those shorts which didn’t leave very much to his imagination.

He got up and went directly to her, he stopped when his chest touched her back, Karen wasn’t startled when she felt him. He sank his face in her neck and smelled her while he slipped his hand under her t-shirt feeling her soft skin. The touch of his skin made Karen let out a groan tilting her head back, as a sign that he could touch her. He didn’t hesitate and his hand closed completely over her breast while the other hand slipped under the shorts…

“Frank, do you want some sugar? Frank?” he gazed raptly at her features stopping his thoughts. Karen was now looking for the sugar. “Frank, are you listening?”

“Err... Yes, please”  He answered.

Karen walked to the couch and sat down next to Frank putting the coffee cups on the table. She grabbed the cup and took a sip then she asked:

“What have you been doing?”

“Well… not very much. You know. Micro and I were doing some research about a new gang. Nothing new” 

“Interesting... What is this gang doing?” 

“No…Today we are not going to talk about me. How are you? Are you feeling better?”

“Why do you care so much? I am okay. I swear.”

“Karen…” Frank didn’t believe her.

“What?” she was serious now.

“Well, if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay. I just think that it would be healthy for yourself to talk with someone about that” Frank didn’t want to force her. 

“Are you saying that I should talk with a therapist?” She frowned confusedly and glanced at him, trying to process that suggestion.

“No, what I mean is that you should talk about this with someone you trust, like your friend… the lawyer one…” 

“Foggy?” she replied.

“Yeah. That one, for example.” She didn’t answer. “Look. What I am trying to say is that it’s not good to keep it to yourself. But it’s your decision” 

They stayed quiet for a moment. Karen broke the silence.

“It wasn’t the first time.” She said and Frank turned to Karen waiting for her to continue talking. “I mean, it wasn’t the first time I killed someone. I know you knew Fisk in prison, but…Did you know Wesley? He was Wilson Fisk’s right hand man. I was doing some research on Fisk’s life. I talked with his mom, and she told him that I talked with her. So, he kidnapped me and threatened me saying that he was going to kill Urich, Foggy, Matt, my friends, my family and finally…" Karen took a long deep breath and Frank remained silent listening to her.

“I took the gun that was on the table when he received a phone call. He thought that I wouldn’t do that but… I did, I did because he was going to kill all my loved ones” she started to cry and stopped talking. She was afraid to look at him. She was afraid to see the response in his eyes.

“You know..,” Karen said still looking down. “When I started my research about you, all your work and about your motivations to do all that... I thought… I thought that maybe I wasn’t better than the people you killed. I had a little war on my mind which makes me constantly wonder if I was… if I’m like that people you kill or if I am like you”

“Karen, you will never be me” he finally talked “because I went too far, too far and there’s no turning back. But you still have a chance, because you were just defending yourself, I have no doubt about that. And of course, you are not like that scumbag I kill.”

“I am just scared because…” 

“Because it gets easier and easier every time you pull the trigger” Frank finished her sentence, and Karen looked at him.

“Exactly.” she said and then she covered her face with her hands. “What’s wrong with me? Why am I like that?”

“Karen, it’s human to be scared, and I am happy that you are scared because that means you are better than me. That means you didn’t want to do that, but you had to do it because if you had not, you would have been dead.” He stopped, and then he held her face. “Karen, look at me, look at me” he tried to make her look at him. Karen removed her hands from her face and looked at him with her eyes full of tears.

“Karen, I told you then, and I tell you now, you did what you had to do. There is no shame in that. It’s survival”

When she heard those words coming from him she felt a little bit relieved, it was like he, the Punisher, who doesn’t forgive anyone…He was forgiving her. The man who was the judge, jury and executioner was forgiving her. His opinion about that was very important to her. That’s why she had never judged him before, because who was she to judge someone who was similar to her? If he was a monster then she was a monster as well, that’s what she had always thought. But Frank wasn’t a monster to her. For her he was Frank. In that moment she felt so relieved that she needed to hug him. It was genuine. She didn’t think about it, she just did it. She could felt the tension in his body. He put his arms around her, and Karen closed her eyes feeling his arms around her. Feeling safe, that’s what she needed. She just needed him there, and to listen to those words coming from him. Just to feel good was enough.

When she thought that the hug was during longer than what they both had expected Karen slowly pulled away from him, but both kept looking at each other. Again, they didn’t need words to know what was going to happen next. The last time it wasn't exactly a kiss, but it felt like a kiss. This time Frank grabbed her and pulled her towards his body kissing her. This time it was a real kiss, long enough to be more than real, which left her breathless.

That night Frank slept again in her apartment, but this time under the sheets.

**Author's Note:**

> Also I wanted to thank to [Nathy](http://feel-like-im-fading.tumblr.com). She has helped me a lot with this fic, she read my drafts and she corrected my mistakes, and also helped me to search some pictures for the moodboard that i made inspired with the fic. I've not have very much time and she has been a support to be able to have the fic in time.


End file.
